Once upon a time – not in fairy tales, but in our very neighborhoods – love among black folks was sacred, sealed, and steadfast. Marriage wasn’t just a ceremony; it was a covenant, a cornerstone holding our communities together. Husbands led their families with labour and love; wives followed with faith and fortitude. Families were the fortress of our people, but as decades drifted like fallen leaves in the wind, that fortress began to crumble.
Looking back through the sepia-tinted lens of the 1940s, we see that between 59% – 70% of black relationships culminated in marriage, a harmony that echoed through the hills of hardship. Fast-forward to 2022, and that number has shriveled to a mere 27%. What was once a symphony of unity has become a scattered hum of separation. What happened to the vine that once bore the sweetest fruit? What poisoned the soil where our grandparents’ vows once took root?
The reasons are as tangled as the roots of a century-old oak tree:
- At the trunk lies the neglect of God’s commandments. Generations have been lulled into complacency by preachers who proclaim that God’s laws are outdated or too burdensome to bear. From such misguided pulpits, the moral compass of our people has spun into confusion.
- Then came television, the modern prophet of persuasion. What was once a box of entertainment, became a pulpit of propaganda – preaching the gospel of self over service. With subtle scripts and catchy laughter lines, it sanctified rebellion against divine order, teaching women that submission is slavery and independence is salvation.
- Feminist movements, too, stormed the citadel of the female psyche, persuading women to trade nurturing nature for the armor of self-worship. The result? A generation of “boss bitches” who are strong but starved of softness, capable yet cold – forgetting that true feminine power shines brightest when tempered by grace.
- Simultaneously, masculinity was vulgarized. From welfare policies that reward fatherless homes to school systems that medicate masculine energy and label leadership as aggression, the wolf has been caged and the shepherd has been silenced. The rise of single motherhood, though often born from necessity, has become both a symptom and a cycle – raising boys without blueprints and daughters without discernment.
- Then slithered in the modern gay agenda, cloaked as compassion but carrying confusion. What began as a plea for tolerance evolved into a campaign for normalization, subtly undermining the sacred union of man and woman – the divine image of creation itself. Our young men, bombarded by effeminate imagery, are told to silence their strength; our young women, applauding this shift, are left longing for leaders but raising followers who learn through movies, music, and curriculum that gender is fluid and that roles are optional.
Yet beyond these forces lies another field of thorns – nine behaviors that often prevent modern women from nurturing relationships into lifelong covenants:
Constant Negativity
She is the storm that never clears. Where light could heal, she brings rain. Her focus on faults turns warmth into warfare. Imagine you plan a dinner date to ease the week’s tension, she chooses to fixates on the restaurant of choice or your lateness – turning what could’ve been warmth into warfare.
Emotional Manipulation
She wields affection as control and love as leverage – turning tenderness into traps. When you choose to rest rather than argue, she calls you distant; when you explain yourself calmly, she accuses you of indifference.
Entitlement
She sits on a throne built from culture’s lies – perpetuating she is the prize, forgetting that Scripture says she was made for the man and not the man for her (1 Corinthians 11:8–9). She seeks unearned reverence, demanding luxury before loyalty and status before sacrifice – expecting gifts instead of gratitude and valuing being adored more than being accountable.
Dishonesty
Her intentions are velvet-wrapped deceptions. She seeks to shape, not share, her partner’s destiny. Pretending to admire his humility, she later despises it when it doesn’t fund her fantasies – spinning a web of lies in the process of trying to control the outcomes.
Lack of Accountability
This actress never plays the villain in her own story. Forever the victim, she rewrites every wrong to preserve her innocence. When her words wound, she claims she was “just being honest.” When she withdraws affection, it’s because you “should’ve known better.”
Superficiality
Her reflection is her religion. Mirrors are her altars, and compliments her prayers. She spends hours curating the perfect image of herself but cannot spend ten minutes cultivating peace at home. She forgets that beauty fades but character remains – a truth our foremothers knew without needing a sermon.
Insecurity
Jealousy is her shadow. Every woman becomes a rival, every friend a threat. Like a house with broken windows, she lets in every fear and shuts out every reassurance. When her man is faithful and focused, she still accuses him of distraction. Her own self-doubt becomes the architect of her downfall.
Disrespect
Disrespect is the acid that erodes intimacy. Whether whispered in private or shouted in public, it cuts deeper than a knife. Her words wound where love should heal. She forgets that respect is to a man what affection is to a woman – the oxygen of intimacy.
Lack of Empathy
She feels only her own emotions, blind to your burdens, deaf to your silence. Her timing is terrible, her tone untempered. When you seek silence, she provokes debate; when you’re weary, she raises unnecessary storms. During your trials, instead of comfort, she offers critique. She cannot feel your pain because her world revolves around her own emotions.
Closing
The decline of black marriage is not merely statistical – it is spiritual. Our forefathers built homes with hands rough from labour and encapsulated hearts tender with love. Today, we build connections with clicks, not commitment. Until we return to the commandments of God – where the husband leads with love and the wife follows with faith – marriage will remain a relic, a diamond in the rough – not a continuous reality.
It is time to prune the poisoned branches, to uproot the weeds of worldliness, and to water again the soil of righteousness. For only when we do, will our people once again taste the fruit of blissful covenant – the sweetness of love that lasts.
Mordecai Amon Israel
Credit: IG@asrockink876_ja video
1611 King James Version Bible
National Institute of Health, The Growing Racial and Ethnic Divide in U.S. Marriage Pattern, R. Kelly Raley , Megan M. Sweeney , Danielle Wondra, 2015
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